It's Thursday night and I've just listened to Taylor Swift's newest single, Mine. Yes, I'm supposed to help Loyd with his report but laziness is striking on me. Earlier today, I went to my former school with my friend Airies to give Pagong to my baby Patjoy. On our way, I felt jitters on the pits of my stomach. Maybe it's because I don't know what reaction I would get from my dearest daughter, because as far as I can remember, we're still on fire. For the past two weeks, we didn't talk much. It's my fault, really. I can't help being so melodramatic. It's in the genes, I think. But is that reason enough for your daughter not to talk to you? I guess not. So you see, I'm really hurt inside. And I'm keeping that locked away, plastering a big Band Aid to my heart. And she doesn't have any idea that I'm hurting. I'm a good pretender. :) So where does that lead us to? My realization of my own mistakes.
I realized that in life, no one, EXACTLY no one, thinks, acts, talks and feels the way I do. Just because I know that I've given a lot, I'd expect the same to be given back to me. Life isn't that way. People are not like that. They have their own minds, bodies, and feelings too. They're entitled to the same freedom, goals, and expectations just like me. I shouldn't force them into something that's just not them. I should not impose my feelings on them, and let them feel that I have the upper hand in everything. Because people who matter most are like butterflies and sand-- once you tighten your grip, the sand slips away and the butterflies are crushed, now you're left with nothing. So I've decided that I'd try this new thing [for me... he he] called reverse psychology. When I feel that no one loves me the way I want them to love me, I'd say "It's just not their way of showing their love for someone really important to them." Because I know the feeling of a teenager, I am one. We've all got insecurities, and we all want to feel important, to be important. And we force people to look up to us and say "Hey, we admire you alright." or "I love you too." But really, the thought of it is somehow suffocating to the people we love. Anyway, [sorry, I'm being carried away by my thoughts and emotions.] so I'm trying to think things out before I act, so that instead of being insecure and over emotional, I will just triumphantly say, "I'm happy because at some point in my life, he/she has needed me."
And now that I've discovered this and reflected from it, I'm really feeling happy. Somehow the weight on my shoulder has been lifted up and a gush of relief from God fills me. Thank you Lord for wonderful days and nights. Oh, and thank You for patching things up between me and my baby. Oh, and the results of the Prelim exams, that too. And the confidence you are giving me everyday, I very much appreciate that...
Oh well, I could go on and on for the millions of blessings God has given me but it's really time for me to sleep now. It's 25mins past 11 and I hope I could get up early tomorrow. A big day ahead for all of us!
Sweet dreams everyone, and may all have a good night's rest.
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